Sexual Addiction Does Not Require a Live Partner

What takes place between the ears totally controls the feelings between the legs. It is this phenomenon which makes internet sex and sexual addiction possible. With the intensive publicity which has been circulating regarding some of the rich and famous I think it is timely to begin to discuss the role of the internet in addictions in general and sexual addiction in particular.

Addiction occurs when a person feels compelled to perform behaviors which they recognize are interfering with their well being but still feel compelled to perform. Internet addictions in general (which fall under the general classification of Process Addictions) are becoming a pandemic. China has felt compelled to pass restrictive legislation to combat internet gaming addictions. Several documented deaths have been reported of persons who neglected themselves gaming, gambling and participating in pornography on the computer. It would be safe to guess that of the sexual addictions that we treat at C.A.R.E., better than ninety percent involve computers.

Rationalization is the hallmark of any addiction. In the case of computer involved sexual addiction, the most common rationalizations are that “it is not real. I am not hurting anyone.” “ I can not catch a disease”. This may be true. Although not my particular pleasure, ranking right up there with my feelings towards playing golf, snow boarding and sky diving, I have no objection to others participating. It only becomes a problem when the activity becomes compulsive, and consequently damages the addict’s life. Our experience shows that like with alcohol addiction 10% of the population consumes 90% of the product. To most it is a harmless pass time. To the addicted becomes a debilitating activity. Understanding an addiction helps to explain why sexual addiction using the computer is so prevalent. In addictions we speak about addiction potential. The quicker the brain reaction and the more available an addictive substance is, the higher the potential for addiction. In the case of computer addictions the response is immediate and the availability is not further than the computer. It is available 24 seven and you can access it without leaving your home and/or work environment. Rationalization is easy. Anonymity often keeps initial consequences and confrontation to a minimum.

It is the view of C.A.R.E. that persons who are involved in any addiction are using that addiction to fill a need in their lives. More often than not, the addiction is a way to escape reality. With the anonymity of the computer, the proverbial 90 pound weakling can become Mr. Universe. The nerdy wimp becomes the stud legend of his/her own mind. In short, the computer allows the building of fantasy worlds. In most chat rooms we can be whomever we wish. Pornography does not even require a brown paper wrapper. These worlds kept in check are fine. When they get out of hand they require treatment.

Treatment first requires that the person recognize that the pain of their illness is greater than their fear of changing. Simply put, this means that the person realizes that the benefits they are getting from their addiction are outweighed by the pain and difficulties it is causing. This requires several steps. They are:

• Recognition that it is causing a problem.
• Finding the underlying causes. (How does the sex addict benefit from his/her addiction?)
• Finding better ways to address the problem.
• Implementing the new strategy and practice in life changing issues.

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